Hypochondria: It isn't a joke

7 min read

Deviation Actions

Mrs-Durden's avatar
By
Published:
1.6K Views
Before I begin, let me just say that this article isn't meant to be educational in terms of providing a definition of what hypochondria is or what it's like for everyone who suffers from it. It's merely an insight on my personal experience, intended to educate the community with regards to what hypochondria can feel like, and that it shouldn't be taken as a joke.

However, a brief definition of hypochondria is necessary. According to Mayo Clinic, it can be defined as such:

When you have hypochondria, you become obsessed with the idea that you have a serious or life-threatening disease that hasn't been diagnosed yet. This causes significant anxiety that goes on for months or longer, even though there's no clear medical evidence that you have a serious health problem. Hypochondria is also called hypochondriasis.

And I'd tend to say that is the most accurate and effective way of describing it. But here's what it's like for me, personally.

I was never mentally healthy or stable, that's for sure. However, growing up, even through my teens, I was always physically healthy. Within the past 2 years or so, my health has dwindled in certain ways. Since then, hypochondria has become a serious issue for me. I explain it to myself by claiming that my "guessing" correctly one of the conditions I have, somehow convinced me that I could figure out what I was suffering from before a doctor had a chance to examine me. The fact is that I am very paranoid. I don't believe doctors, especially not in the USA, and I don't believe they have my best interest at heart in most cases. Most of them don't even bother sitting down while they listen to me explain how I am suffering. The paranoia builds up to the point where I am convinced they are missing something, misunderstanding me, and assuming that because I am only 21 years old and don't have any obvious life-threatening conditions showing up in blood tests or basic exams, that I am fine.

People often call themselves hypochondriacs jokingly. They think that because they consider the idea that they might have cancer once or twice, that they suffer from it. Let me just go over a few of the anxieties I've faced that I remember most vividly.

  • Throat cancer: My throat hurt, and it felt like my ears somewhat hurt as well once in a while. I convinced myself that I had throat cancer. I started to think of what I should prepare in the event that I might die. But it gave me too much anxiety, I had several anxiety attacks for about two weeks, and refused to leave my house.
  • Mouth Cancer: I had a lump on the roof of my mouth, or inside my cheek, or inside my lip. I was convinced it meant that I had either a form of cancer or some other critical issue relating to the mouth. Maybe herpes, it didn't make sense, but I still contemplated it. I thought about it 24/7 for about a week, until they went away. Whenever I bite my lip, or tongue, or anything within my mouth without realizing it, and end up with bumps or marks, the paranoia starts all over again. 
  • Heart disease: If I ever get a pain in my chest, or the left side of my body, I become convinced that I have a heart issue. After all, I smoke, it only makes sense. 
  • A brief list of some of the conditions I convinced myself I had, for various reasons: Pulmonary Embolism, peptic ulcer, kidney stones, kidney disease, pancreatic cancer, brain tumor, gum disease, spinal tumor, etc. 
  • General paranoia: I frequently ask my roommate to make sure I wake up in the morning. I don't tell her why. I'm just terrified that I might die in my sleep from a condition that hasn't been diagnosed yet.
  • I'm convinced that I'm infertile even though there is no evidence suggesting this might be the case. I just feel that I am, and it makes me so depressed I can barely stand it.
  • A few years ago I jokingly told one of my best friends what to do in the event that I'd die. And drafted a list of which of my belongings should go to my parents vs friends, etc. 
  • I have a letter written for my mother in the event that I die, from disease or murder, kidnapping, anything like that. This strays away from hypochondria and deals more with the incredible paranoia that I deal with every day.
  • If I get a bad headache, feel my heart beat oddly, feel a lump in my throat, find a strange bump anywhere, or any minute thing like that, it will become an obsession that festers inside my brain for weeks. The stress and anxiety becomes so bad at certain times that I can see its physical effects on me. I'll stop eating, lose a lot of hair, my sleep patterns will become completely messed up, and leaving my room becomes an incredible struggle. 

Hypochondria isn't just contemplating scary ideas about your health once in a while. It's an obsession that takes control over your life. That ruins you inside and out, and can become an incredible financial burden if you choose to visit a doctor and specialist for every issue you think might be the end of you. I'd really like people to understand this, and stop seeing it as a joke, something to laugh at.

Thank you for reading. Please feel free to leave any thoughts, questions, experience you might have about hypochondria. Sharing and reading each others' stories is always a good thing.

© 2015 - 2024 Mrs-Durden
Comments6
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Dark-Eco-Romantica's avatar
If anyone has this problem please talk to me. I'm Emo-zexion-fangirl on Skype and I'm on 24/7 for those who are in need. I promise you I won't laugh, judge you or tell a soul. I'll have you know that talking really helps all of us!

this is an amazing journal. Thanks for posting this.